The Hiatus

Have you ever had those bouts of terrible, disheartening, tragic dating?  The kind that kill your optimistic outlook on the probability of finding someone special to take home to mom and dad?  Well, I have.  And I have been for a while.

It just seems like the guys I'm interested in aren't interested in me and vice versa.  I know, cliche.  Everyone feels that way at some point but enough is enough, right?  Why do we try so hard only to accept dates with those we know it won't work out with?  Is it loneliness?  Is it a lack of confidence?

For instance, I am interested in a guy who has a sense of ambition.  Who has a decent, steady job and an idea of where they are heading in life.  Yet, I seem to attract guys that are simply clueless. 

One guy I went on a few dates with lately was really sweet, handsome, and kind but was a waiter.  Now I don't mean to sounds stuck up but when asked where he was going with that he commented "maybe I'll get a big boy job in a couple of years".  What made it really interesting was that he seemed to have really nice things (car, watch, etc).  Then I found out his dad was an exec at a large company.  Sigh...  Another guy sold insurance and spent most of our first (and last) date talking about how little he is making and how terrible he was at his job.  Awkward.  I literally changed the subject over ten times and at the end of the night, when he went in for a kiss, guess who got the cheek?

Also, wouldn't it be awesome to find a guy who is actually interested in you for well... you?

For example, I went on a couple of dates with this guy who again seemed really nice.  He was a bit older than me with a good sense of maturity which I found totally attractive.  Date one he planned and it was lovely.  We went to a nice restaurant and the conversation was easy and fun.  Date two I planned and well... It showed a different side of him.  Pretty much the entire duration of the date he talked about his ex.  Not only that, he spent a significant amount of time on Facebook on his phone.  Mind you, this date was at my apartment where I made ratatouille with cod because he was on a special diet.  To top it off, we only talk (via text message) if I initiate the conversation which means getting to our second date took a lot of initiation on my part because he was far too busy with his friends and other social commitments to make time for me until he finally had a hole in his social calendar. What could make this situation even better?  He was unemployed but considering getting a job as a bar tender after his quit his last job (months ago) as a nurse practitioner.

To that point: Make time for the ones you are interested in!  I cannot tell you how many guys I've talked to or even gone on dates with only to lose touch with them because they are too busy with X, Y or Z.  I would give you an example but its hard to pick just one... so I'll give you a few:  "I'm not feeling well, can we reschedule?"  "Sorry, busy this weekend, next?"  "..." <- Thats the silence you get when I guy suddenly grows a vagina and can't tell you they aren't interested so they ignore you.  Rude.

Now I know it isn't all their fault.  Sometimes, even when the guy is nice and has a good head on his shoulders there just isn't a spark.  For instance a few months ago I was sort of seeing this guy who was sweet and fun to be around but I didn't feel any bit of chemistry.  We went out on a number of dates and had a perfectly good time on each but I just never felt the spark of excitement between us.  When we cuddled on the couch and watched movies it was nice but I never felt the urge to roll on top of him and start wildly making out with him.  And the few times we did kiss it wasn't really that exciting for me.  Eventually we talked about it and decided to go our separate ways.  (Notice we actually talked about it?  Hmmmmm fellas wouldn't it be great if we all had balls enough to discuss out feelings honestly?  Hint hint.)

Of course, I realize I am not exactly perfect (far from it in fact).  For instance, last year I was seeing a guy and just as we were getting to that point where you make the decision to carry on or end it, I chose the third option and ran away.  Yes, I exercised my right to be a coward and just ignored the situation.  The reason?  He was nice, funny with a crude sense of humor, and a bit of a techno geek. (aka: my dream man)  Making sense?  It didn't for me either at the time.  He did have a history of addiction issues though and didn't seem to have a clear idea of what he wanted out of life.  To top that off I was still a bit unsure of myself after my last ex broke up with me a few months before that.  So, I reacted on my gut instinct which told me to run.  Fast forward to a month or so ago and I decided to text him again.  I will admit, it was with the ulterior motive of finding out if he was still single but what I found was that he felt as we all do when someone decides to just jump ship without saying anything.  Surprise?  So I apologized and admitted I was simply reacting from fear and moved on.

So, is it me?  Is it them? I don't know but what I do know is that I have put far to much on hold for this whole dating thing.  Book three of the Witch Hunt series has been spiraling around inside my head for months and is mostly on paper but not all the way.  I don't really go out with my friends anymore and making new friends has been pretty much at a halt since my focus has been on guys.

Which brings me to the Hiatus.  I am going to put dating on the back burner to focus on other things in my life.  Friends, family and writing.  For instance, I went out the other night with a friend from work and had an AMAZING time.  Sure, we checked out the hotties but my focus was on my friends.  Now, that is not to say if a talk, dark, and handsome man were to stride into my life I'd look the other way but I'm going to stop trying so hard.  I'm deleting some apps, I'm going to be more selective on who I accept dates from, and I'm going to enjoy my life.  I mean, you're only 24 once right?