Do you ever get that feeling like your focusing on so many
things that others sneak by only to rear up and shake you?
That’s what I’m feeling right now.
I have a rather large family (Mom, Step-Dad, Dad, Step-Mom,
Older Brother, Younger Step Brother, Younger Half Brother, Younger Half Sister…
the holidays are “fun”) and while I’m not super close with them, it surprised
me when I talked to my little brother (13 yearrs old) on the phone the other
day and I could only marginally recognize his voice. This is the kid whose diapers I changed when
I was 9 years old, who I (under threat of getting grounded) babysat while my
Mom and Step-Dad went Christmas present shopping, who I left napping in the
living room to go take a bath only to find out, from an irate mother, that he
took a nose dive down the basement steps. (The kid is resilient!)
Another instance: I got
a text from my mom this afternoon that a relative of my Step-Dad is not doing
well and may not last the weekend. All
of my memories of this man are really great ones. He had a great personality and a mind that,
despite his age, still thirsted for knowledge.
This kind of caught me off guard because I didn’t even know he was sick!
I could go on but I think you get the picture.
Bottom line, I’m left wondering: What the F#CK just happened?
I think this stems from two situations. The first is location. I live in Chicago and the rest of my family
lives elsewhere in Illinois. Being upwards
of 200 miles apart puts a strain on any relationship.
The second is my personality. I’m kind of a weird mix. I like my alone time but I crave the
interpersonal. I’m the type of person
that hates doing something without a friend along for the ride but I can easily
sit in my apartment by myself all weekend and write.
Put this together and it begins to make sense. Then, add in the fact that I wasn’t super
close with my family when I went away to school and then moved out altogether
and it becomes clearer.
I don’t visit my family in my home town very often because,
while I love them, my life is here (that and its expensive). Knowing me, if I pined over what was going on
down there, I would not be living my life here and that is what is important for me.
Yes, I meant FOR me. My future is
here (at least as far as I can see) in Chicago.
I have a great job, I love where I live, and I’m in the city I’ve dreamt
of living in since I first laid eyes on its giant buildings when I was little.
Now, I’m not an altogether heartless brat. I do text and keep in touch with my mom and
chat with my siblings maybe not incredibly often, but often enough. My Dad and his family live in the ‘burbs so I
can more easily visit him and I try to do so at least once a month. See, I grew up with my Mom and so getting a
chance to spend time with my Dad has been great.
Overall, I think this is my stable. I can’t see everything coming. I live here and they don’t. They have lives of their own and I have my
life. I just need to be prepared to be
shaken a little every once in a while. In
the same breath though, I should make more of an effort to see my down-state
family more often. In fact, my little
brother has a baseball game in one of the ‘burbs coming up this month and I
have plans to go watch! (Can’t Wait!)
So, this shaky, craziness that I seem to find myself in is
my new stable.
~Nick
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